Expecting expectations.

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I get a lot of my inspiration for subjects that I write about, from people within my life. It’s never specifically about a person or a conversation but can often be a sentence spoken or an idea shared- That give me a sudden feeling of ‘how do I feel about that’

I am a very open person. I am openly emotional, openly angry, openly frustrated and an openly loving person. I get fits of giggles at the silliest things. I am a complete drama queen and often unintentionally create my own drama because I over think everything.  I wear my emotions on my face, which makes me rubbish at that ‘wow!  what a wonderful present’ face if I dislike something. That’s why I don’t like surprises.  I am never ungrateful for the thought and love put into a surprise, But I cannot hide the ‘did you keep the receipt’ look because I may have been expecting something else.

Expectations. That’s a hard concept. Each of us put expectations on every single person in our lives, sometimes consciously but mostly subconsciously. Some people may say ‘never expect anything good and then you are always either pleasantly surprised or just where you were’ That is an expectation in itself! expecting nothing is an expectation.
We thrive on communication,  on support and love and acceptance from those we have placed a value or respect upon. Again, more expectations.

What doesn’t occur to us is that the people we place those expectations on, do not know what they are. How can you become upset with a friend or family member for not living up to an expectation that we, ourselves subconsciously placed upon them without informing them of it.

Many speak of true friendships. True friendships are based on being there for each other and saying the right things yeah? No. True friendship is being the one person who will tell the truth, even when it hurts to hear it. True friendship is caring enough to not agree with every word you say. But true friends know that when you disagree with each other- that the place that it comes from is the heart and soul.
3 questions are so very important in day to day life.

1. Is it true?
This is the most IMPORTANT of all 3 questions. If you can honestly say that what you are going to speak is truth, and is not just being said to cheer someone up or to raise their spirits then go ahead to question 2.

2. Is it kind?
Kindness is a relative term. sometimes it is kinder not to speak your truth if you know the person is not in the right place to hear it- but that doesn’t mean you then say something untrue to how you feel. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. (cruel as in truthful,  not cruel as in hateful) The most important thing again is that the words spoken come from that heart centre. The place where truth and love and kindness exist.

3. Is it necessary?
Even when something is true and said in kindness, it doesn’t always mean it needs to be said. What will be achieved by saying it? Will a lesson be brought forward? A change of view seen? It’s a question of balancing what is needed and what is necessary.

I am not perfect. Not one person on this planet is!!
But I for one, do not strive for perfection. All that I do strive for is to be completely at peace with who I am & with what makes me tick.
In order to achieve that I am working on accepting myself before I even think of putting expectations on to others. My expectations need to fall to me and what I wish to achieve for myself, within myself.

By only expecting the best of me, because that is what I wish for me- it breaks the rules of expectation.  It means that I can ensure I place all expectations upon my own shoulders. If I feel disappointed in some else’s behaviour- I accept that it is because I put an expectation onto them and that is my stuff to deal with- Not their’s. If I feel let down, who’s fault is that? my own for putting invisable expectations upon others. 

It’s about being more mindful of the ‘self’
This doesn’t mean I won’t feel let down or disheartened or upset, I am only human and I am not perfect (that naughty world again!)  but it does mean that I am in a better place to stop blaming others for how I feel. No one can MAKE me feel a certain way- I do that all by myself. It’s about taking control and being the driving force that makes me, who I am.

How people treat you is their karma.
How you respond is yours.

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