Being human.

I’m gonna go out on a limb here. In case you havent noticed, this is something I do quite often, which is lucky as that is what im about. I’m about seeing, feeling and experiencing and then evaluating how that sits with me. I am not someone who just flows with the crowd. I’m not someone who blanket covers issues with a meaningful quote that could apply to all. I’m about keeping it real for me! and me alone. Being out on that limb can be pretty lonely at times But what is amazing is realising that often, you aren’t as alone as you feel! We can bridge that gap of loneliness with communication. With having the guts to chuck our opinions out there and seeing who catches them, embraces them and who inspires you.

I’m often inspired by my guides and loved ones in spirit, but sometimes, that little spark of inspiration comes from within. Like today. By me chucking my thoughts out into the ether, they were caught, embraced and flowed into new inspiration and more importantly, a bigger picture for me!

At the weekend, I proudly sat and watched one of my close friends step out, step up and push forward. I sat in awe and happy surprise as she stood and spoke to a large crowd of people. She stood and read an inspiring reading about two seeds from a book called ‘chicken soup for the soul’

Patty Hansen

Two seeds lay side by side in the fertile soil.
The first seed said, “I want to grow! I want to send my roots deep into the soil beneath me, and thrust my sprouts through the earth’s crust above me … I want to unfurl my tender buds like banners to announce the arrival of spring … I want to feel the warmth of the sun on my face and the blessing of the morning dew on my petals!”

And so she grew…

The second seed said, “I am afraid. If I send my roots into the ground below, I don’t know what I will encounter in the dark. If I push my way through the hard soil above me I may damage my delicate sprouts … what if I let my buds open and a snail tries to eat them? And if I were to open my blossoms, a small child may pull me from the ground. No, it is much better for me to wait until it is safe.”

And so she waited…

A yard hen scratching around in the early spring ground for food found the waiting seed and promptly ate it.

Moral of the Story   …   Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life.

What a beautiful and thought-provoking story! Inspiring. I then sat and watched my wonderful friend stand up and give messages from spirit, with love, with format, with evidence and conviction. A truly beautiful thing to see! I was and am so so proud of her!

However. What I also felt was jealousy. I felt myself comparing my amazing friend to myself. I felt myself questioning. ‘when will it be me’ ‘why cant i do that?’ A mixture of pride and annoyance. Happiness and jealousy. support and also fear.

We are taught that to be spiritual, we should not compare. We should feel no need. We should feel only happiness for others journeys. We should have a knowing, this automatic higher self-knowledge, that we are all on different paths and no persons path is greater or lesser than the next. Well im sorry people, but I call Bullshit to that.

We should, should should. But I don’t believe that to be true.

To be truly spiritual, we are supposed to embrace our human existence, our human emotions and feelings and thoughts. Being here isn’t about spending the entire time trying to ascend to some higher plane of existence. Being here isn’t about denying things that are human if they do not fit in with the whole ideal of ‘Love and Light’ Being HERE is about living a HUMAN life, learning lessons and experiencing as much as our little minds can perceive, before returning home.

Every single thing within life has a shadow self. I’ve spoken of this before. The light and dark of all. How one does not and cannot exist without the other. Balance is needed in all things. So if that is true, how can we deny feelings such as jealousy, fear or comparison? To deny them and pretend that you do not feel them is worrying.

So, I accepted the feelings I had experienced and decided to speak to my spiritual teacher, friend and general awesome fountain of knowledge. Just by accepting I had felt these emotions meant that I felt ok to discuss them. They are a part of me and I am here to grow. How can i grow unless i reach out and be truthful and honest. We chatted through the feelings and I answered my own questions with her gentle guidance. Shes clever like that you see. She never GIVES you the answers, she just helps you find the path to the answers yourself. By communicating, I was able to realise I need to sit with those emotions, one at a time and ask myself why I felt that way. What created that feeling. The issue isn’t the person I felt them about, it’s why I felt them within me regarding the situation.

I’ve had a difficult year so far, and that has hindered my spiritual development. I’ve had blocks created by myself that have prevented me from taking further steps forward. and do you know what? That’s okay. Spiritual life and human life develop in tandem with each other. Sometimes human life needs to take the foreground for a little while, and then balance out at which point spiritual life can become a focus again. Ebbs and flows, corners and straits, calm waters and rapids. It’s all part of the journey. The fact that I felt jealousy, shows I am turning another corner. That I am noticing that I am becoming stagnant and that human life is becoming less intense and spiritual life development is pushing forward a little again. That little emotion was the kick up the bottom that sparked the lightbulb that things are nearly ready to move forward again, once my human realities of life balances out.

I then had a dream last night. After talking through it with friends It is now hilariously obvious about the meaning. In the dream I was driving to a shop. all was fine when suddenly I got to a massive queue! It took what felt like forever to get into the car park, only for the car park to be empty of cars. I parked and approached the shop Another queue! this time 300 or so people all patiently waiting in line. I joined the line, getting more and more confused and frustrated. ‘am I in the right queue? ‘ what am I actually doing?’ I considered having a walk down the line to check what queue i was in but I was afraid of losing my space in line or of others thinking I was trying to jump the line or push my way in front. So I waited. Eventually I got to the front only to discover that the queue was for a promotion to the left and actually the shop was empty and cashiers were sat bored waiting for customers. Remember those two little seeds from the reading above? yep there you go. Afraid to push forward. Unsure of what I will encounter, what if what if….. so ill wait. That is where the jealous feelings came from. Me.

There are two ways to deal with shadow emotions.

1. Let them fester, let them evolve into something nasty by denying them. for example Jealousy breeds contempt.

2. Accept them, sit within and see what lesson comes from it.

I choose number 2. which will you choose?

Something else came from this lesson too. I spoke to that wonderful friend about how well she did. I told her about the feelings I had. I accepted and embraced and was honest. And do you know what happened? She was honest right back. Turns out we all feel very similar in this crazy little thing called ‘being spiritual’ so how about we try accepting being ‘human’ first instead.

Much love as always, Nici xxx


7 thoughts on “Being human.

  1. Hi Nici

    You say this, and it seems to betray a misunderstanding……

    “We are taught that to be spiritual, we should not compare. We should feel no need. We should feel only happiness for others journeys. We should have a knowing, this automatic higher self-knowledge, that we are all on different paths and no persons path is greater or lesser than the next. Well i’m sorry people, but I call Bullshit to that.”

    This is not correct. .It is not a question of ‘should’. The point is that if we follow the practices and improve our understanding of Reality, or ‘what is the case’, THEN we will naturally abandon judgement, feel no needs and become compassionate, This would be an ineluctable response to truth. We don’t have to believe anything, just discover it. It would be impossible to enact these qualities in our lives working only on faith and in the absence of knowledge, but we can make a start.

    The proposal that we should practice these qualities before we actually have them is a didactic issue. It is well known that we can alter out thinking by changing our behaviour. The idea would be that we will only naturally be non-judgemental and compassionate when we have verified and understood something important about ourself and Reality, but until then it’ll help our progress if we practice becoming better at these things.

    I’m sorry you believe that all this is bullshit since it cuts you off from one entire area of knowledge. I can only say that you’ll never know that it is bullshit. It will always be a guess.

    It is odd that you endorse ‘spirituality’ and yet reject what it teaches. I don’t quite understand this.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi there Peter, I speak from a personal perspective of being just over a year in to my spiritual journey. You will notice that I do not use the word spirituality in any of my musings due to the fact that I am not a spiritualist. Therefore I do not endorse spirituality- I merely give my thoughts and feelings on my personal journey, while striving to learn more about those guesses that you speak of. In time those guesses will become knowings, however in a world where we are taught to only see the good and that the shadow self is a bad thing, I am looking at my journey as a whole perspective rather than as only one side of the coin. I have not said that it is all bullshit. I have said in this post that those ‘shoulds’ are bull and that in fact we should be striving to accept all of our human self while working with our spiritual development. Thank you so much for your comment and I just feel it’s a shame that you were unable to take more meaning from it. Although of course this is what it’s all about! Take what sits with you and throw out the rest


      • Perhaps I was a bit pedantic Nici. Apologies. I see now where you’re coming from. I suppose I was agreeing with you in saying that ‘shoulds’ are not the point. Knowing the facts would be the point, and the rest would follow. This would be why Buddhists focus on overcoming ignorance, that the behaviour would follow ineluctably and easily, rather than just posting a list of rules and hoping to stick to them.

        I would maintain, even so, that encouraging the character traits you dismiss as prescriptive would be part of the process of overcoming the ego, which would be part of the process of overcoming ignorance.

        I’d agree with you about the word ‘spirituality’, The teachings you refer to come from mysticism or the ‘perennial’ philosophy and are generic to esoteric religion. This teaches that you are right to believe that while we are here we should really be here and embrace the world warts and all, but wrong to assume that we are really here at all.

        I wish you all the best on your journey. It’s the same old journey but each person has to forge a new route for themselves. I suppose I just wanted to say as I passed through that it is dangerous to quite so casually dismiss the traditional teachings of people who have travelled this road before you. I find it more helpful to try to see what they are getting at.

        Anyway. enough of this. It’s a nice post with a good homily in the middle.


      • I feel you are missing the point im afraid and unfortunately you seem presumptuous based on the post, that I am casually dismissive of traditional teachings. I merely take what sits well with me and explore that further. I am highly respectful of those who have travelled this road before me and read, take in and take pleasure in experiencing their findings along their own personal paths. But for me to forge my own path I have to be true to what I experience in the here and now, in this human body and embrace that. Thank you so much again for your insight and wise words and I have indeed done exactly as you mention- I try to see what they are getting at and work with that to firm my own personal journey.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh hell. I was attempting to be helpful but I think it came across all wrong. As a philosopher I tend to react badly to (what i consider to be) less than rigorous pronouncements, and forget that this makes me a right pain in the proverbial in real life. ‘Bullshit’ is a strong word and would be call to arms in an academic discussion, where all is not sweetness and light. .

        I’m not disagreeing with your approach to life. It seems to be exactly the approach recommended by the very people who bang on about compassion and forgiveness. I expect you’ll be banging on about them soon. 🙂

        Thanks for a lesson learnt and sorry for being clumsy,

        Liked by 1 person

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