I’m gonna go out on a limb here. In case you havent noticed, this is something I do quite often, which is lucky as that is what im about. I’m about seeing, feeling and experiencing and then evaluating how that sits with me. I am not someone who just flows with the crowd. I’m not someone who blanket covers issues with a meaningful quote that could apply to all. I’m about keeping it real for me! and me alone. Being out on that limb can be pretty lonely at times But what is amazing is realising that often, you aren’t as alone as you feel! We can bridge that gap of loneliness with communication. With having the guts to chuck our opinions out there and seeing who catches them, embraces them and who inspires you.
I’m often inspired by my guides and loved ones in spirit, but sometimes, that little spark of inspiration comes from within. Like today. By me chucking my thoughts out into the ether, they were caught, embraced and flowed into new inspiration and more importantly, a bigger picture for me!
At the weekend, I proudly sat and watched one of my close friends step out, step up and push forward. I sat in awe and happy surprise as she stood and spoke to a large crowd of people. She stood and read an inspiring reading about two seeds from a book called ‘chicken soup for the soul’
Two seeds lay side by side in the fertile soil.
The first seed said, “I want to grow! I want to send my roots deep into the soil beneath me, and thrust my sprouts through the earth’s crust above me … I want to unfurl my tender buds like banners to announce the arrival of spring … I want to feel the warmth of the sun on my face and the blessing of the morning dew on my petals!”
And so she grew…
The second seed said, “I am afraid. If I send my roots into the ground below, I don’t know what I will encounter in the dark. If I push my way through the hard soil above me I may damage my delicate sprouts … what if I let my buds open and a snail tries to eat them? And if I were to open my blossoms, a small child may pull me from the ground. No, it is much better for me to wait until it is safe.”
And so she waited…
A yard hen scratching around in the early spring ground for food found the waiting seed and promptly ate it.
Moral of the Story … Those of us who refuse to risk and grow get swallowed up by life.
What a beautiful and thought-provoking story! Inspiring. I then sat and watched my wonderful friend stand up and give messages from spirit, with love, with format, with evidence and conviction. A truly beautiful thing to see! I was and am so so proud of her!
However. What I also felt was jealousy. I felt myself comparing my amazing friend to myself. I felt myself questioning. ‘when will it be me’ ‘why cant i do that?’ A mixture of pride and annoyance. Happiness and jealousy. support and also fear.
We are taught that to be spiritual, we should not compare. We should feel no need. We should feel only happiness for others journeys. We should have a knowing, this automatic higher self-knowledge, that we are all on different paths and no persons path is greater or lesser than the next. Well im sorry people, but I call Bullshit to that.
We should, should should. But I don’t believe that to be true.
To be truly spiritual, we are supposed to embrace our human existence, our human emotions and feelings and thoughts. Being here isn’t about spending the entire time trying to ascend to some higher plane of existence. Being here isn’t about denying things that are human if they do not fit in with the whole ideal of ‘Love and Light’ Being HERE is about living a HUMAN life, learning lessons and experiencing as much as our little minds can perceive, before returning home.
Every single thing within life has a shadow self. I’ve spoken of this before. The light and dark of all. How one does not and cannot exist without the other. Balance is needed in all things. So if that is true, how can we deny feelings such as jealousy, fear or comparison? To deny them and pretend that you do not feel them is worrying.
So, I accepted the feelings I had experienced and decided to speak to my spiritual teacher, friend and general awesome fountain of knowledge. Just by accepting I had felt these emotions meant that I felt ok to discuss them. They are a part of me and I am here to grow. How can i grow unless i reach out and be truthful and honest. We chatted through the feelings and I answered my own questions with her gentle guidance. Shes clever like that you see. She never GIVES you the answers, she just helps you find the path to the answers yourself. By communicating, I was able to realise I need to sit with those emotions, one at a time and ask myself why I felt that way. What created that feeling. The issue isn’t the person I felt them about, it’s why I felt them within me regarding the situation.
I’ve had a difficult year so far, and that has hindered my spiritual development. I’ve had blocks created by myself that have prevented me from taking further steps forward. and do you know what? That’s okay. Spiritual life and human life develop in tandem with each other. Sometimes human life needs to take the foreground for a little while, and then balance out at which point spiritual life can become a focus again. Ebbs and flows, corners and straits, calm waters and rapids. It’s all part of the journey. The fact that I felt jealousy, shows I am turning another corner. That I am noticing that I am becoming stagnant and that human life is becoming less intense and spiritual life development is pushing forward a little again. That little emotion was the kick up the bottom that sparked the lightbulb that things are nearly ready to move forward again, once my human realities of life balances out.
I then had a dream last night. After talking through it with friends It is now hilariously obvious about the meaning. In the dream I was driving to a shop. all was fine when suddenly I got to a massive queue! It took what felt like forever to get into the car park, only for the car park to be empty of cars. I parked and approached the shop Another queue! this time 300 or so people all patiently waiting in line. I joined the line, getting more and more confused and frustrated. ‘am I in the right queue? ‘ what am I actually doing?’ I considered having a walk down the line to check what queue i was in but I was afraid of losing my space in line or of others thinking I was trying to jump the line or push my way in front. So I waited. Eventually I got to the front only to discover that the queue was for a promotion to the left and actually the shop was empty and cashiers were sat bored waiting for customers. Remember those two little seeds from the reading above? yep there you go. Afraid to push forward. Unsure of what I will encounter, what if what if….. so ill wait. That is where the jealous feelings came from. Me.
There are two ways to deal with shadow emotions.
1. Let them fester, let them evolve into something nasty by denying them. for example Jealousy breeds contempt.
2. Accept them, sit within and see what lesson comes from it.
I choose number 2. which will you choose?
Something else came from this lesson too. I spoke to that wonderful friend about how well she did. I told her about the feelings I had. I accepted and embraced and was honest. And do you know what happened? She was honest right back. Turns out we all feel very similar in this crazy little thing called ‘being spiritual’ so how about we try accepting being ‘human’ first instead.
Much love as always, Nici xxx