When faced with a problem or issue that you find yourself reacting to with anger, panic, anxiety, fear, guilt or any other thought based emotion, you tend to find that you begin to then focus on all the other times that that has happened.
You attach your emotion to past events that caused that same emotion, you begin to think that those emotions have always been the driving force of everything and you start to catastrophise life.
You attach yourself to outcomes into the future that will also be based on that emotion. Worrying that you will always feel this way, that nothing will go ‘right’ that everything is out of control.
In moments like this it is so important to use a mindful approach. Becoming mindful of what you are doing via your thinking self (ego) will enable you to step out of that catastrophic pattern and allow you to take a realistic look at the problem.
Below I show a mindful focal tool that can instantly help. It’s just 3 circles, labelled ‘control’ ‘influence’ ‘no control’
Focusing on the issue you are experiencing, first tell yourself what the main emotion you are feeling is. Tell yourself this is what that emotion feels like in your body. Accept it as a thinking reaction and embrace that emotion for what it is, not labelling past issues or future worries. Just being with that emotion and feeling it fully in your body and how your body reacts to it. Allow your self-compassion to flow and feel that emotion begin to peak and then subside, leaving you feeling a little calmer and present in yourself.
Now, using the circles:
Write what you can control regarding the situation in the ‘control’ circle.
Write what you can influence regarding the situation in the ‘influence’ circle.
Write what you have no control over, in the ‘no control’ circle.
Use the control circle to realign you with your own power to control that within your control!!
Use the influence circle to focus on coming up with a plan to strengthen those influential areas to help the situation.
Use the no control circle to ACCEPT that you cannot control everything and that is okay.
Accept you CANNOT control all things
Accept that you CAN influence somethings.
Embrace that you ARE in control of your own self, your emotions and your reactions/actions.
I hope this helps as a tool you focus in and become present instead of reactive to issues when they arise.