A few days ago I decided to embrace.
Embrace the now, Right now, not later.
Right now, I am on crutches after an injury. There is no point in holding onto the what ifs. They do not change the fact that I am presently on crutches and have been for a month. And will likely be, for another month or so.
With the crutches came other issues. Those issues were all caused by my inability to let that sh*t go. The what ifs were causing me to feel annoyed, stressed, angry and irritable. This then caused me to have an almighty flare up of pain in the rest of my body. Causing a chain reaction of needing the crutches but being unable to use them due to pain everywhere else. All from my own inability to accept and flow with what life brings.
I ended up on painkillers again and then sleeping meds again, then stronger painkillers. But this further frustrated me because I’ve been almost med free for a year, other than a week or two here or there.
Pretty much as soon as the stronger painkillers were prescribed I noticed something. That my state of mind was changing back to where it belongs. Not stressing about what I could have done to change the issue, but rather, accepting what has happened and working out how to deal with that, one moment at a time.
I reintroduced my normal meditation. It is something I stopped as soon as I injured myself. I reintroduced binaural beats healing music. I started to take my salt baths and surrounded myself with lavender and candles and books and created a place of self love and self acceptance.
Guess what? I started to hurt less. I started to forget to take painkillers. I started to smile more.
I realised that my frustrations were not going to get me anywhere fast and so I sat with them, accepted them for what they were and let that sh*t go. I have realised that I can get around on my foot minus the crutches around the house, but I am also accepting that if it hurts, use those crutches. I’m using the crutches outside of the house and taking my time. One step at a time.
I am also blessed. I’ve noticed I have put on a stone in weight in the last month. Not from Christmas but from an inability to move around at my normal pace and not being able to do my usual yoga. I accept this and I am blessed to have been able to buy some new clothes in the sales. Clothes that I feel good in regardless of the size, rather than curse as I try to squeeze into my previous size and grumble about what has led me here.
For now. For this moment, I am accepting of what life has me doing. My foot will heal. My exercise will increase and the weight will drop off as it has done in the past- with time and effort.
I accept where I am right now. I’m okay with it. I’ve taken steps to help me to be okay with it all and I know that in time I will be back to a level of fitness and health that I was at previously.
But instead of waiting for that time, while grumbling about the past and investing too much thought in the future- I choose to be present right now.
I have a body and I shall use it.
I have a mind and I shall explore it.
I have a soul and I shall share it.
I have a heart and I shall love all with it.
I am blessed exactly as I am, right at this moment.