Connections to others.


People flow in and out of our lives all the time. The issue for us is we attach so much to the view that nothing should change and we don’t pay enough attention to the joy of those who flow in for the reason and season.

You meet each and every person for a reason. Some are no more than a few seconds, but none are good or bad.  And that can be hard to grasp.

The person who cuts you up on the motorway, the coffee shop waitress who short changed you, the person who didn’t have enough change for the bus. They are all opportunities to develop yourself. They are all moments of choice in how you behave.

These are easy examples to understand. The connections are short lived and very small to let go of.

Our issue comes in when we build connections over longer periods of time and with those connections we unknowingly build expectations and perceptions. We get to know people and grow with them. We get comfortable and almost instantly, there is a really strong desire for nothing to change. We come to rely on those connections.

As human beings we are social animals. But how much of that is actually true? We have spent so long being told how we should develop and being conditioned to need others, that actually it’s hard to work out where natural growth starts and conditioning ends.

Within connections to others, you aren’t quite as responsible for yourself as you could be. You begin to rely on others opinions, thoughts, feelings. You take on views you wouldn’t have previously had. But where does that end?

How much of you, is actually you?
How much of you, is actually someone else’s view?

It is a good feeling to be wanted and needed. But that can be addictive. And in turn, it can be addictive to those who feel they lack their own self knowledge, to want and need others to choose for them.

It’s a fine balance & one that very few people manage well.

But we don’t have to be that way. We can have connections to others without the expectations. Without the attached stories of how we feel that connection should be. It is good to rely on others and to feel safe to share and grow. It is beautiful to experience that. It is such a blessing to experience the love of friendship. The hardships of connections and the lessons that flow alongside.

They say we have friends for a reason, season or a lifetime. I have to argue that as we cannot know which it is and a lifetime is a very long time to expect something to not evolve and change.

Instead we can simply appreciate every connection we have for what it is in that moment.

Be it the angry road rage driver, who caused you to slow down and pay closer attention. Be blessed for the reason.

Be it a childhood friend who you don’t see so much anymore. Be happy for that season of growth.

Be it a strong connection to a friend, you feel you have known for lifetimes. Be content in that energy, knowing that you have much to learn from each other.

But be accepting that we are changing every day, growing and flowing and evolving and that is impossible to stop. That is what causes the pain of connections, the belief that we can stop time and not move forward.

Learning from others is a natural thing of beauty and no connection is bad. Some are hard. But they are only hard from your need to expect an outcome instead of seeing things as they are.

Relying on someone is beautiful, but goes wrong when you expect more than you perceive should be expected.

Connections to others are a minefield but they are worth it. Every single one. They are all for a good reason. They are all seasonal and they all ebb and flow. They are all moments that inspire your life and for your lifetime.

Resistance to change causes suffering when there needn’t be. Accept things as they are, feel blessed for what they were and how you grew. Be thankful for each and every one without needing to know how it will turn out.

Nici Gorman


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