Ponderings in the darkness

As I lay here wrapped in my comforting warm red blanket, I am aware that I am truly in unknown territory for the first time in a while.

Like so many of us, my usual response to unknown steps forward is fear. For so long, I have been fearful of not knowing things. Of getting it wrong. Of others views of how I did something. Of failing. Never understanding that everything I fear, I hold within me the wisdom and power to overcome.

Right now, I’m smiling and content. Laid here in the silent, restful dark, I do not feel alone or fearful. I do not feel confused or anxious. I’m not questioning what was thought of me today, or how many ways I failed in someone else’s eyes.

Instead I’m laid here reflecting on how awesome I was at being me today. How amazing it is to get up everyday, show up in my life and live it, however that looks on any particular day. Because that is truly all you can do and all anyone is trying to do. Be the best version of themselves that they can be.

The truth is, every moment in life is new. Every step forward is unknown. Even when we go round in a big circle, chasing our own tail, its in new and previously unexplored ways, because right now has never happened, until now.

We all go through reoccurring cycles in our lives. These re occurring cycles consistently bring us closer and closer to our own authentic selves but once lived, we never truly live through the same cycle again. Within each reoccurrence, we grow. We learn, we remember, we open to more and thus leave open the opportunities to experience these situations in new and beautiful ways to grow some more.

So often we chastise ourselves for not learning the first time, but the truth is, we did learn and each and every time we revisit similar situations, we learn a little bit more about ourselves.

For the first time in a long time I am looking toward the unknown future with fresh eyes. I am inquisitive, interested, pleased and blessed for the opportunities presented to me to grow.

How do we grow? Experience. Experience comes from life daily. In the mundane and the mind blowing. In the rain and the storms, as much as in the sun and the breeze.

I have absolutely no idea what tomorrow will bring and isn’t that wonderful! Isn’t that the beauty in all its essence.

I come from a place of fresh perspective. A place of inner wisdom and power. I come from a place of authenticity and knowledge that what others think of me, really and truly is none of my business, because in truth, their perception is only ever a reflection of my deepest fears realised.

It’s only in my commitment to realising this, that I can reflect on it and grow to embrace more and more acceptance of myself. All parts of me. The beautiful woman I am.

I am a vessel of unconditional love.

Unconditional love for the frustrated,  opinionated, blunt, kind, loving, funny,  childish, warm, friendly, helpful, angry, magical, sensual, happy, mad and dramatic me. Unconditional love for those parts of me I embrace, and unconditional love for those parts of me I am yet to embrace.

Unknown territory is an adventure waiting to happen.

Love and honouring starts within.

Nici Gorman


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