Working with women.

There, I said it. I want to work with women.

It’s taken me years of work, years of experiences, years of soul searching and years of peeling back layers of conditioning, to come to a realisation of why I am so drawn to helping other people to become themselves.

It’s not simply because I like helping people or that it’s what I’m good at. It’s because of my life experiences and how I’ve chosen to view them, that I became good at helping myself.

We’ve all been through a lot. Every one of us, my story is no more or less than another’s story. But essentially it’s coming to the realisation that we are writing our own story, that led me down the path of self help a few years ago.

At first, I thought my passion was driven by my children. To be a better mum and in part, it has been. But it’s so much more than that.

One part of my thought process was that I thought by learning about my physical pain and writing new stories around that pain, that I would become better able to cope. Better able to strategically manage my pain and thus be better at doing all the stuff that’s expected of me. In part that’s been true too!

Because every single thing that you do in your life, is a part of who you become. Every single experience you have, has a part to play in who you are, who you choose to be based on how you process that experience.

I’ve recently been working with an amazing coach, healer, philosopher called Christopher Byrne. He has a very unique approach to the work he does and as any coach will tell you, the most important thing you can do, is have someone to mirror back to you too.

Coaching is an internal thing for every single person, even the person who coaches you, is working on their own stuff, to enable them to continue growing and aspiring and encouraging others in their own practice.

It’s an interesting thing, we call things a practice for a reason. It’s something that continually grows, changes and adapts, as the person running it, grows, changes and adapts.

The work I’ve been doing with Chris has enabled me to work on deep seated areas in my life that have still been holding me in place, when I have been ready to continue stepping forward. The issue with this is when we then become rigid in stepping forward without allowing the experiences to flow, without embracing the experiences for what they were, rather than the stories we have attached to them subconsciously. And allowing those experiences to come up, embracing them and flowing with them is what we’ve been doing. Chris has had a extra special hand in that by adding another dimension to this self work, via his healing. We discuss, he helps me find my mirror, I have ah ha moments and then he uses his healing methods to help me to allow that flow to continue, to flow up and out and to be at peace with that experience that I had been holding on to.

Last night we were discussing a coaching course that I am currently writing and I realised we had more work to do regarding some of my past conditioning that I am allowing to hold me back. He never gives the answers, but instead holds that space for me to see it for myself. That is one of the most important qualities that not only I, but he and many others hold in order to truly help others.

He reminded me as always, that the work we do has a rolling effect and that he expected I would likely see some more subconscious information amd changes coming to light over the next 24-48hours.

He, as he often is, was right & last night I had wonderful conversations with like minded friends on things I seemed to have forgotten.

We all have a purpose. We all have something we are passionate about and that our heart desires. But what so often happens, is that through social conditioning, experiences and challenges, we block that purpose from our minds and start to do what we think, or are told, we should be doing.

Synchronicities and coincidences occur throughout our lives, a little nudge back in the direction that our heart knows, is where we ourselves want to be, but again, so often we have become so conditioned by ‘life’ that we block those too. Those synchronicities are not some higher guiding force, (unless you want them to be) but instead are our own selves searching out little moments, subconsciously, that can help steer us back to ourselves.

I’ve had a great many of those coincidences and synchronistic moments over the past few years and each time I begin to steer my interest back to what I’m passionate about, I’ve then found myself ‘forgetting’ about it.

Being there for my children becomes my focus, being organised becomes my focus, keeping a tidy clean home becomes my focus. I push my passionate self into other activities in an attempt to do what I think I should be doing.

It is important to be there for my children, it is important to me to be organised and have a clean and tidy home. But what I’ve realised is the reason I struggle to keep on top of it all, is because I am still busying myself searching for meaning to it all. Never stilling myself long enough to find the simple answer.

It all has meaning, it’s all a part of my story, it’s all important and all adding to the exact purpose I have been avoiding focusing on. I love my children and I love that I am here to help and support them as they grow into healthy, happy beings, doing exactly what it is they want to do. But how am I modelling what I wish to see? I’m not. I’m being a martyr for the sake of a principle of beliefs that aren’t even mine, instead of seeing the opportunities I have been presenting myself with all this time.

Working with women. Working with women just like me. Who busy themselves doing all the things they feel they should be doing, but still search outside of themselves an answer that lies within them.

You do not have to choose to only be one thing. You can be a wonderful mother, a great wife, a passionate woman, work doing something you love and keep house. You can choose to peel away the conditioning that has not only been placed upon you, but handed down through generations too.

You can do anything you wish to do and still be everything you wish to be. By finding that inner purpose you have blocked and put in a box and forgotten about. And the best thing about it?

All the things you ‘need’ to do suddenly come into a more balanced focus of need and necessity. You are able to see the work pile as a blessing that you can achieve, because it frees time to do more of what you are passionate about.

And whatever you are passionate about can be anything, whatever you discover your purpose to be, can be anything! There is no lesser or more noble purpose, than to life your own life exactly how you wish to.

You can be all the things you truly want to be, who you really are and choose to re write the story you are currently living.

For me, that means I am able to stop searching and using up my precious time trying to be what others expect or want me to be, which frees up beautiful time spending with my husband and children and friends, embracing the things I want to be doing with them, embracing the things that need to be done and getting on with them, because it all holds a part in the story of my life. I can choose to stop running away from the mundane tasks in my daily life and instead use them as a time of meditation, reflection. Sacred moments amongst the washing pile.

I can do away with others expectations of how my house should look and instead embrace the beautiful chaos that our busy home is. Because I realise that at some point, there won’t be that chaos anymore and I will be instead, left without a purpose, because I never stopped to confront that passion and desire within me, to be myself within all that I am to others too.

And that my friends, is what I am passionate about. Working with women to help them find that within them too. Right here and right now. Not in a few years when the kids are older or when things are less busy or when things are less stressful. I want to help and support women like me, to grow into themselves again, in amongst the life they created and love. To help them dig deep into themselves and push out that purpose they felt before life got in the way and to help provide them with the toolkit to grow with that instead of against it. You don’t need to put you on hold,  while you are all to others.

You can be both and show the next generation a new way to see themselves too.

Nici Gorman


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