I’ve had a really interesting few months. I say interesting as it’s been fascinating to detach from the drama of it all and attempt to witness it all unfolding, as it is rather than what I think it should be.
I’ve mentioned a few times here about my chronic illnesses and my belief that all illness exists first in the emotional body and then if left to fester, becomes a physical manifestation of that emotional dis ease. Many of us are familiar with this idea in terms of metaphysical dis ease. But I have been blessed to experience first hand, an experience with this and so feel it important to share what I, have found for my own self.
Taking us back, I have found that a lot of my physical ailments relate back to certain periods of my life. One being 13 and the other being 17.
I began suffering migraines at 13 when I started my periods. These were awful and seemed mainly to happen in relation to hormones. I did experience other migraines too, but over time and working back, I have found that a lot of those extra migraines were a call for validation and attention for my pain at that time. I’m not saying these were not real, trust me they were very real. But the mind will very quickly find ways to protect its own interests. And that is what my mind found in migraine. I was excused from school, I was looked after by those who loved me. My emotional pain, which was linked to my father passing away suddenly when I was 13, had found an outlet for its pain. When I became too stressed, upset or angry, a migraine hit.
Over the past 3 years I’ve been blessed to be offered lots of various healing modalities and for a time, each of these reduced my migraines. Which was amazing! However, they would always return.
Some thing changed however at the end of last year. I started working with Chris who doesn’t just work on the healing, but also the talking side too. Talking to my pain and suffering and asking it why it suffers. This alongside the energy healing was amazing! I’ve written a blog about that before. We mamaged to source a lot of my physical ailments back to the age of 17. This age had come up several times in healing and regression but at that time, it was a case of peeling back the first layer, which surrounding me rejecting my femininity at 13 and my father passing away.
Around the same time I also began working deeply on my feminine energy and reconnecting to that 13 year old girl. The scared child, ashamed of her natural womb blood and the pressures of womanhood that she was not ready for while grieving her lost childhood.
As you can see from the above, there has been a lot of energetic and holistic healing occurring. And that has been amazing!
Forward to the beginning of this year and I attended a workshop on discovering your own authentic energy. This was absolutely immense and a real game changer to how I have got to day.
I felt intuitively that attending was worrying me. I couldn’t put my finger on it at the time, but hindsight is a wonderful thing! What happened after the workshop was a mass clearing of a shit tonne of energetic crap that I had been holding on to for 20 years! It resulting in a physical pain I’ve never felt before and intend on never feeling again. I ended up in hospital for 3 days while they did the relevant checks that I was not suffering a bleed on the brain.
Some healers may say that this is what’s called a healing crisis. But actually, I don’t see it that way. It was needed and necessary.
It was during this time, 7 weeks ago, that I realised something really important. That my energy was completely wide open to attracting what I needed. I was attracting people who wished to work with me who were mirroring back what I needed to see for myself. The people I had been associated with, were mirroring their own self worth issues back to me to help me see. They were baring their own undealt with pain. Not for me to judge them or help them, only they can do that. But to show me in them, what is within me. And show me they did!!
I realised I wasn’t in a good place. I needed to work completely on myself for a little while. I had been trying too hard to heal others, as a reflection of my own pain. I needed to detach from my own control dramas and focus. On me. So I took a break from work.
Finally I understood that we can heal many ills from energetic healing, but it’s a part of the process rather than being the whole process. It suddenly made sense to me, that I had worked so hard to heal emotionally and energetically, but had yet to actually work on the physical that had been allowed by me, to manifest.
I held a pamper party at my house and recieved a wonderful massage from Kerry Washington of Cocoon Holistics (look her up, she’s an amazing healer!) But again, something stuck with me. I’d been told to see a chiropractor many times and especially in relation to events from when I was 17.
I finally felt ready to begin the healing on a physical level. I was healing from the inside out. Healing past life connections, healing past life ties. Healing my younger self. Healing my emotional wounds. Now it was time to start putting my broken body back together physically.
So I bit the bullet and booked an appointment. That was 2 weeks ago and oh my word the story of what has developed in those 2 weeks is amazing.
Speaking to Cher on the phone, we immediately got to the source of the issue. The car crash I was in when I was 17.
There has been concern mainly around my head as opposed to my neck or shoulders. I had never had xrays or scans for those areas, just my brain from a neurological perspective. Seeking a cause for the increase in my migraines since that crash.
Seeing Cher was like a breath of fresh air. I had been put onto anti seizure medication to control my migraines by this time and the side effects of these were horrendous. But I was persevering with them. She began working on my body but with each area she worked on, I had revealed to me, the deeper cause of those ills manifesting.
In the car crash, I had not been wearing a seat belt and I have no memory of the crash itself. Even after 15 years. But I do remember how my body was positioned. I wasn’t knocked out, but it’s been suggested that at that time, my soul stepped out and then returned. Hence the lack of memory. When your body goes through a traumatic experience it protects itself and your soul is no different. We each have exit doors along the path and although only one is truly our transition back home, we can sometimes experience those exit doors. And this feels right to me and my experience.
As Cher worked on my shoulder, I was shown my 13 year old self. Angry and fool Hardy and in self destruct. At 17 I was still that person. Self destructive and eaten up with grief. Words came to me ‘who are you to get to survive’ ‘how come you keep living’ and it suddenly made sense. I didn’t wear the seat belt. I had no value for my life. No self worth. My grief and anger from my 13 year old self had already begun to fester and change me physically. Guilt. Guilt for living and shame for living.
As she released those physical mis alignments that were a result of the crash, she released much more. I had allowed so much to fall on those delicate shoulders. So much to weigh me down and now was the right time for me to finally let go of those chains that had held me comfortably in my pain for so long. And with that, I felt my energy flowing. Actually flowing through my clogged up throat chakra. Up into my 3rd eye and Crown. I felt the cycle of my energy flowing around my body freely. She realigned my neck, my stubborn and bullheaded 17 year old self with no gratitude for life, being realeased with it.
She worked on the previously broken collar bone I hadn’t known about. A break I hadn’t even noticed such was my complete disregard for my body and self.
Many more revelations occurred in that one session. It was truly fascinating and beautiful to witness. I had brought so much healing to the surface and now I was working with this amazing woman to release the physical manifestations too.
Yesterday I saw Cher again and we worked on really getting into my shoulders, neck and breathe muscles. This was when I felt where a lot of my migraines had manifested from. Short inflexible stubborn muscles, not willing to stretch and relax. I was holding my own self in that pain, and now I was allowing myself to release that and begin to physically heal. She worked on a particular muscle in the neck and I immediately witnessed pain travel up my jaw and rest straight above my left eye. The site of my migraines. What beautiful validation!!
As she worked down to my hips and pelvis, she began released those muscles and bones and realigning. It was here that I noted that I had still not released emotions from the birth of my first child. I had no control of that labour and it was an awful experience for me. I realised how i had locked those emotions deep inside my womb space. My pelvis. And as they released physically, I again felt a rush of my energy flowing up my leg, around my pelvis, around my lower chakras and down my other leg. Just wow!
Last week I chose to stop taking the anti seizure meds, with my GPs advice and support, as the side effects were outweighing any benefit they could have offered.
I have come to see what the doctors called my chronic wide spread pain, as exactly that. Constant pain manifested into my physical body. And I now see that I needed to approach this pain with loving care. To see it for what it truly was. To realign my self with energetic healing, diet and personal wellness, while allowing myself to heal physically too. And that had been the important price of this particular puzzle. Physical. We are physical beings after all!
I have more appointments with the chiropractor and I know that these too, will reveal more of that which I am ready to finally completely release from
My migraines? None so far in a week, headaches yes, which was expected anyway with so much physical manipulation of the body. My chronic pain? Massively reduced. My connection to my self, my soul and the energy of all? Amped and connected completely!